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No one likes to experience rejection, because nothing hurts like rejection. It's incredibly painful because it wounds our deepest needs for security, love, and significance. We've all experienced it on some level. Maybe you were excluded or told you are not worth it? Maybe you were betrayed by someone close to you? Maybe you were laughed at? Maybe you felt forgotten? Perhaps you feel that God himself has rejected you because of something you did, or because of something He hasn't done for you?
While it's painful, being rejected does not make you a reject! And there is a promise that God's presence can be experienced in the midst of the pain of rejection.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Ps 34:18
BACKGROUND
Rejection can be defined as “the act of pushing something or someone away.” To be rejected, then, is to be cast aside, cast off, cast away—to be thrown away as having no
value.
According to a study conducted at Duke University, there are 6 things that make us feel rejected:
Criticism
Betrayal
Active disassociation (for example, a romantic breakup)
Passive disassociation (being excluded)
Being unappreciated
Being teased
The danger here is that feelings of rejection can lead to increased feelings of rejection if not dealt with. This is known as the rejection cycle: rejection breeds rejection.
Over time a cycle becomes a pattern that eventually becomes a way of life. If this looks familiar, this Battle Plan is for you to help break the cycle and establish a new pattern.
Part of the problem is that rejection is based on feelings. To find victory over rejection you need to shift from living according to feelings to living according to facts.
Here are four truths to keep in mind:
1. It’s more about the other person
When you understand that rejection says more about the person doing the rejection than the person being rejected, rejection starts to lose its power over you. There is much truth in the saying that "hurt people hurt people". So take heart: it's not about you!
2. God will never reject you
When you live from the place of knowing that God will never reject you, you become way more secure in your identity and rejection loses its sting. There is a further truth to remember here - God is not a gene to fulfill our every request. The point - an unanswered prayer does not equal rejection.
3. Faith helps you move feelings to facts
When you live in faith by believing the Bible as the ultimate authority in your life, you allow your identity to be shaped by God’s word. As you learn to hear the voice of God over the voice of “the world” you will be transformed by His truth.
When you live as a child of God, and you have a revelation of His unconditional love, you can step into the plans He has for you, and you are able to live free from the rejection that holds you back.
4. One does not equal all, and the loudest is not always right
When you experience rejection from one person, you may tend to assume that everyone else must hold the same opinion of you. As such you may even push others away for fear of them rejecting you. Don't let one loud negative voice define you. Always remember that "one does not equal all, and the loudest is not always right!"
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BATTLEGROUND
There are three things that are always opposed to the Kingdom of God and the will of God.
I. The WORLD SYSTEM is the place of desensitization and relaxation (dropping your guard and conforming).
The world system gets you to think that man’s approval is more important than God’s. So you may go out of our way to be approved of by people rather than listen to the voice of God to find our worth and identity. People cannot give you the unconditional love that only God can give.
II. The DOMAIN OF DARKNESS The enemy works by deception (lies) and destruction (of your purpose)
The enemy wants you to believe that you are defective and unwanted in order to make us ineffective. He wants you to think “there must be something wrong with me”, and, “I will never be good enough.” He would love nothing more than for you to believe that God has rejected you.
III. The FLESHLY NATURE This is where we battle temptation and rationalization
We all desire to feel accepted. Our fleshly nature seeks man’s approval because we desire to be seen as worthy. We often place a higher value on the acceptance of people, than the acceptance we are freely given by God in Jesus.
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BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE
Jesus experienced all of the ways rejection happens, so he knows exactly what it feels like.
Criticism - On the cross
Betrayal - by Judas
Active disassociation (for example, a romantic breakup) - Peter’s denial
Passive disassociation - Peter, James & John fell asleep. Not welcomed in his hometown
Being unappreciated - By the religious leaders
Being teased - On the cross
God's plan, though, is not for you to live feeling rejected, but rather to live free, as an adopted son (or daughter) with His full acceptance and approval. Christ was rejected, so that you may be accepted.
So then, brothers and sisters, we are not obligated to the flesh to live according to the flesh, because if you live according to the flesh, you are going to die. But if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all those led by God’s Spirit are God’s sons. For you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear. Instead, you received the Spirit of adoption, by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father!” The Spirit himself testifies together with our spirit that we are God’s children, and if children, also heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ—if indeed we suffer with him so that we may also be glorified with him. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is going to be revealed to us. For the creation eagerly waits with anticipation for God’s sons to be revealed. Romans 8:12 -19 CSB
God has a specific purpose for you and you are called to live according to that. You have a part to play, and creation itself is waiting to see what happens!
God has adopted you into His family and you are called to live like a son (or daughter).
God has an inheritance for you to live in and live toward, you are an heir of God!
God has secured deliverance for you, breaking you out of the domain of darkness, setting you free from the obligations to live according to the flesh.
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BATTLE PLAN
1. Reflect
Prayerfully think back over the times you have experienced rejection.
i. Are there any long-buried feelings there?
Admit the pain associated with each event.
Release the pain (and the people involved) to God.
Ask God to bring healing, and believe that He will do so!
Rely on God's grace to allow you to choose to forgive those who hurt you
ii. Did you begin to believe anything about yourself that may not actually be true? Write these down.
iii. Do you see the rejection cycle in your life? Can you identify any of the triggers and patterns?
iv. In your reflection, are there any areas that you have become aware of that you may be blaming God for something? For example -a feeling of rejection linked to unanswered prayer? Bill Johnson said, "It's the backsliding heart that blames God for what He hasn't done". Whenever you feel like this toward God, always consider the cross - Jesus rejected, so that you may be accepted. Prayerfully take these areas before God, confess them, and receive his forgiveness.
2. Replace
While rejection is painful, it does not have to be permanent. Walking across the bridge to acceptance is a process of replacing lies (wrong beliefs) with truths (right beliefs). You may have already identified some in part 1. Here are some more examples
Wrong Belief: Because one person has rejected me, means that everyone will reject me.
Right Belief: Just because one person did not value me, does not mean no one values me. God valued me enough to send Jesus to give his life on the cross for me! I will forever praise this God who didn’t close his heart when I prayed and never said no when I asked him for help. He never once refused to show me his tender love. Ps 66:20 (TPT)
Wrong Belief: Because I was rejected, I hate myself. I feel worthless. I hate (condemn) myself.
Right Belief: Rejection hurts, but I know my worth isn’t based on people's actions or opinions but on the fact that God accepts me. So now the case is closed. There remains no accusing voice of condemnation against those who are joined in life-union with Jesus, the Anointed One. Rom 8:1 (TPT)
Wrong Belief: God must have rejected me because______
Right Belief: There is nothing that can separate me from the love of God. The grace of God is bigger than any past mistake. Just because my prayer has not been answered in the way I expected, does not mean that God is not for me. So now I live with the confidence that there is nothing in the universe with the power to separate us from God’s love. I’m convinced that his love will triumph over death, life’s troubles, fallen angels, or dark rulers in the heavens. There is nothing in our present or future circumstances that can weaken his love. There is no power above us or beneath us—no power that could ever be found in the universe that can distance us from God’s passionate love, which is lavished upon us through our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One! Rom 8:38 (TPT)
3. Release
Release yourself from
- holding unforgiveness toward those who have hurt you.
- the expectation that you will not feel rejected again
- the need to be accepted by people.
4. Reform
Reform the way that you think by planting the word of God in your heart. The truth of His word is extremely powerful, and in itself contains the means to transform and reform the way that you think.
The truth of God's word will help you deal with any past, present, and future feelings of rejection.
There are some scriptures that you can begin with below.
5. Reach Out
Talk to someone about your journey, and ask them to hold you accountable in this process.
As you find healing and victory, empathize with and encourage others who have also been hurt. Pray with them and for them.
Scriptures to meditate on
Ephesians 1:5
Galations 4:6 -7
1 John 3:1-24
Romans 2:11
John 1:12
Isaiah 54:10
Psalm 147:3
John 3:1
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Psalm 34:18
Recommended Reading / Audiobook
by Jia Jang
Closing thoughts
You ARE worthy because God says so. This is a fact that is independent of your feelings.
You CAN confront and kill negative thoughts. You ARE able to change.
You have a Father who loves you, and when you have a revelation of your sonship, you will be able to break the lies of the enemy about who you are because you know whose you are.
As a son (or daughter) of God, only He can name you and he calls you Beloved.
In Him you have purpose and inheritance, your future is secure!
When you choose to live as a son and not a slave you are able to take authority over your life and choose God's word over the words spoken by man.
You are free from the chains of rejection because you have accepted your adoption by God in the name of Jesus and therefore you carry His name as your stamp of approval!
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